Whether liberal parents would like to believe it or not, children do like structure. They have no way of knowing what is right and what is wrong without someone giving some sort of guidelines to abide by. They may start off liking that they have no rules and pretend for awhile to be your friend because you are "the cool" parent, but shortly (and more sooner than later) those same wayward children will resent their so called "cool" parent because they are not well liked, they don't know how to resolve problems, and they don't know why they have to do what anyone tells them to.
Though I have written about parenting and discipline in various forms before, I am not referring to that same topic now. What I am recalling are all of those lessons I received while growing up and the benefit they have on me now. I am sure we have all received the same lessons in order for us to function successfully. However the one that seems to be resounding in me now is the one of having a clean home. These days with parents being so busy trying to keep a roof over their families' head and it being necessary to have 2 incomes, there doesn't seem to be time for teaching the importance of having a clean home. What I have learned over the years that its more important for there to be order, rules, a place for everything and everything in its place; so not to be rigid but to have freedom to deal with everyday issues that happen rather than allowing them to mount up into a mountain.
I suppose the lesson was really driven when watching the series on A&E network of Hoarders. These people may have never been the organizing type and for whatever reason justifies the filthy condition of their homes. They know there is a problem but when it comes time to solve it, they come up with so many excuses and reasons as not to get it resolved. The organizers find that with these people it is a mental condition that came about because of a traumatic situation such as a loss in the family, some physical ailment, or another mental condition that stemmed into hoarding. The last episode I saw was an educated woman who didn't go out to buy a myriad of new things but didn't throw away her garbage, It got so bad that she couldn't get to the bathroom and wore disposable adult diapers because of it. When the diapers were soiled, she didn't throw those way either. She finally got to the age where she was to retire and needed to have some sort of an income. Her daughter, who had lived in these conditions all of her childhood was looking to help her mother move but only if she found help to do so. When she came to see about her mother she told of how her mother could not even sleep in her bed but tied herself to a portal medical toilet so that when she dosed off she wouldn't fall into all of the mess she had created around herself. It was to no avail. She fell asleep and in so doing she fell with the toilet tied around her. She was wedged in and couldn't get herself out of it. They found her surrounded in her own waste.
In talking with her daughter she finally agreed that it was too much for her to even contend with so she was willing to move. She also agreed to have her home professionally cleaned so she could sell the home and have an income to live on while transitioning into a care facility. As the professionals came to assess the damage in the home and to clean it, they realized the cleaning process would be for the health of the mother to see what she had done over the years but the house in of itself had to be condemned. As they moved bag after bag of soiled adult diapers, the woman watched and smiled even made jokes about the garbage. The daughter didn't see the humor and had concluded that her mother could not live with her but had to be in a home for the elderly. She knew that the collecting would begin the moment her mother was in a new place - her home.
Its funny that the daughter claimed when she moved away from her mother that she did not pick up the habit of collecting garbage though she had lived with it her whole life. She made up in her mind that it was not a way she was going to live especially when she learned there was a better way. She found this when her friends in school would invite her to a sleep over. She marveled at the way others lived and set a goal for herself.
Would this not be true of anything we do? No matter what we have been taught from our parents, if we decide to do something different as long as there is a plan and determination in place, could it not happen? Would this also be true of one's health? Doctor's say that because of heretiary conditions, we will have the same problems as our parents. If one parent is diabetic, then we have a 50% chance of also being diabetic. If both parents are diabetic then it is inevitable that we will be also. But what if we were to study our parents and see that one would not stay home for one weekend but worked nonstop for the goal of just loving to work. Because of never resting and using caffeine as fuel, he had heart disease. Wouldn't it be common sense not to have that same kind of lifestyle so not to have the same results?
It is true that we tend to model behavior after those who raised us but its just not written in stone that we have to cling to the way they did things. Don't get me wrong, if it is good and it works, by all means, do that - but know what is good and what isn't. Both of my parents smoked while I was growing up. My mother smoked cigarettes and my father smoked cigarettes, a pipe, and occasionally a cigar or two. I liked the smell of the cigar and pipe but I never had the desire to smoke any of it. Granted when I was little I would go into their car and light up the butts left in the ashtray, but that was only pretending to be grown up. Once grown, (or in those few years) it made no sense to me to be spending that amount of money weekly just to burn it up. I didn't have to discipline myself not to smoke, I just decided I have no need for it.
What about you? Is it absolutely necessary for you to eat late at night or have the sweet snack just because you feel like having something sweet? Why do you procrastinate to do the laundry week after week? Why buy more clothes when all you have to do is wash what you have? Why make the landlord wait for the rent when you got your paycheck? He could have been one of the first people paid off. Why make excuses to not exercise when you know what the outcome of that will be? Clean up the mess you make around you. If nothing else, wash your own dish when you are finished eating. Make your own bed when you get up from it. Make sure you don't leave trash yourself when you get up from the living room. You don't have to wait for the NewYear to make the resolution, do it now! Establish a goal, write it down to make the steps to obtain it. Where do you see yourself 6 months from now, a year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years and so forth and so on? What I use to teach to my clients is, failure to plan, is a plan to fail.
(Proverbs 22:6 KJV)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Who Are We Supposed To Trust?
I have pondered the trust question for sometime. Allbeit, this was well after my twenties, because at that stage in life if someone said they are going to do something, you expected them to do it. Granted, people gave up those ideals while some others become jaded due to circumstances or just listening to the news.
We know that it is the norm for politicians to make promises they cannot keep. Their purpose to be elected. Where did they learn that from? Their parents? Maybe not. I remember in the micro-cosim - high school, I ran for student government. I tried not to make a bunch of promises that I couldn't keep but it just seemed that the people were needing to hear those things. Was it suppose to make them feel better that those running for student government aren't perfect or was it a temptation for the candidates that just couldn't be fought? I won my election in that tiny micro-cosim based on lots of prayer and stating, "do you want the best? I know you do!" I didn't have anything to feel guilty about. What says the politician? What says to those who elected them?
Delving into the government further because they think they have the pulse of the food industry, who said it was alright to spray and add stuff to my food to increase the shelf life? I bought an apple. It was red, full, and I expected it to be as juicy and sweet as it looked. I bit into the equivalence of a sponge. Upon a closer look, there were small black pin dots on the skin. If one doesn't look one would have never known that those small dots are indicative of the fruit being rotten. It just looks good in hopes that the consumer will buy it, take it home, find the problem and not bring it back. That's .70 cents that doesn't have to be returned. The dollar is made at the expense of the consumer. Hm, and the econmy is down because of what?
We have watched certain television personalities and grown to trust their credibility in delivering to us information we would have not received otherwise. There was a local anchorman that the city's residents enjoyed on a daily basis. Not only could he deliver the news with such fortitude, he also had his own commentary. His opinions became well known. He could have directed the people to vote, purchase, rally, picket, or protest in any venue he chose. This was the power he had. Then he was found in a compromising position. Not once but a few times to the point of him losing his job. The station lost their ratings and the management had to get busy in developing someone else to take their star newscaster's place. This would take years and they knew it. In the mean time the city searched for another hero.
I suppose I contemplated this subject because I can recall Orson Welles playing a joke on the American people. Not that I was there, I was entirely too young. It was through others and reading it for myself. He had a well known radio broadcast by which he interrupted to tell the listeners that the world was being invaded by aliens. It sounded like a breaking newstory. It was the radio. There was nothing the people could see for themselves so they had faith in what they heard. I suppose it wasn't that long before the radio and Orson Welles told the people it was a joke, but what does one call not long when you are in a state of panic? Who died of a heart attack, committed suicide or lost their mental abilites just because of a joke and the trust that was put into a man? Those things weren't doumented or if they were, the numbers weren't made public.
Times are changing. People don't rally against wrong as much as they use to. Car insurance in some states is a joke. How can you be sued for an accident you didn't cause or wasn't even in either car when the accident occured? Yet in some states there are laws governing just that. What is the health insurance policy going to look like? Who will get medicaid. Why won't there be enough social security for the next generation when that generation paid their taxes too? Who would have ever thought that you would be paying for water (bottled), air (car tires), and television (cable)? Who has the answers? Who is going to tell the truth? Who should we trust? Should we rely on what the dollar can do or what is written on it?
(Isaiah 26:3 KJV)
We know that it is the norm for politicians to make promises they cannot keep. Their purpose to be elected. Where did they learn that from? Their parents? Maybe not. I remember in the micro-cosim - high school, I ran for student government. I tried not to make a bunch of promises that I couldn't keep but it just seemed that the people were needing to hear those things. Was it suppose to make them feel better that those running for student government aren't perfect or was it a temptation for the candidates that just couldn't be fought? I won my election in that tiny micro-cosim based on lots of prayer and stating, "do you want the best? I know you do!" I didn't have anything to feel guilty about. What says the politician? What says to those who elected them?
Delving into the government further because they think they have the pulse of the food industry, who said it was alright to spray and add stuff to my food to increase the shelf life? I bought an apple. It was red, full, and I expected it to be as juicy and sweet as it looked. I bit into the equivalence of a sponge. Upon a closer look, there were small black pin dots on the skin. If one doesn't look one would have never known that those small dots are indicative of the fruit being rotten. It just looks good in hopes that the consumer will buy it, take it home, find the problem and not bring it back. That's .70 cents that doesn't have to be returned. The dollar is made at the expense of the consumer. Hm, and the econmy is down because of what?
We have watched certain television personalities and grown to trust their credibility in delivering to us information we would have not received otherwise. There was a local anchorman that the city's residents enjoyed on a daily basis. Not only could he deliver the news with such fortitude, he also had his own commentary. His opinions became well known. He could have directed the people to vote, purchase, rally, picket, or protest in any venue he chose. This was the power he had. Then he was found in a compromising position. Not once but a few times to the point of him losing his job. The station lost their ratings and the management had to get busy in developing someone else to take their star newscaster's place. This would take years and they knew it. In the mean time the city searched for another hero.
I suppose I contemplated this subject because I can recall Orson Welles playing a joke on the American people. Not that I was there, I was entirely too young. It was through others and reading it for myself. He had a well known radio broadcast by which he interrupted to tell the listeners that the world was being invaded by aliens. It sounded like a breaking newstory. It was the radio. There was nothing the people could see for themselves so they had faith in what they heard. I suppose it wasn't that long before the radio and Orson Welles told the people it was a joke, but what does one call not long when you are in a state of panic? Who died of a heart attack, committed suicide or lost their mental abilites just because of a joke and the trust that was put into a man? Those things weren't doumented or if they were, the numbers weren't made public.
Times are changing. People don't rally against wrong as much as they use to. Car insurance in some states is a joke. How can you be sued for an accident you didn't cause or wasn't even in either car when the accident occured? Yet in some states there are laws governing just that. What is the health insurance policy going to look like? Who will get medicaid. Why won't there be enough social security for the next generation when that generation paid their taxes too? Who would have ever thought that you would be paying for water (bottled), air (car tires), and television (cable)? Who has the answers? Who is going to tell the truth? Who should we trust? Should we rely on what the dollar can do or what is written on it?
(Isaiah 26:3 KJV)
Monday, November 30, 2009
Change
It is the title to the only song Michael Jackson sung that made me cry. In the lyrics he sung, "there's no message that can ever be more clearer..." And he is right. It is the same message that the bible is based on -love.
People will use verses and events in the bible to stand on their platform of hate but if they took the time to actually read it they would find that the wars that are written in those verses show the hate of others and to what extent they took it. Other wars are for the purpose to stop the evil plan and in order for that man who started to choose to wipe that colony completely out. The documenting of those things are to teach us what to do and what not to repeat.
Instead we justify the reason to argue, blame others for your own mistakes, be selfish, and stay that way just so you can have your own way? Relationships whether business or personal are destroyed because of these platitudes. Why must your point be made rather then staying silent? Why should you be the one to make the speech instead of someone else? Why should the spotlight be on you? Why is it necessary for you to have the last word?
This past weekend (originally written in September), my children got together, bought groceries, and made dinner at my home so they could have a family meeting with me. I have had meetings before with them when they were much younger and to my surprise, they got together at times and met without me. But this Sunday, they came for the purpose of staying close and to keep abreast of what everyone else was doing. They knew that their experience to handle some of their issues is limited so they decided to be quiet and allowed me to speak. I was pleased to see how they have matured and placed those adolescent ways behind them. The compassion and sensitivity that I knew they had couldn't be used when the how-would-that-be-good-for-me thought processes were trying to spill out of their mouths. They were quiet and they listened.
You don't have the ability to force others to change. All you can do is change you. As surprised as I was (more like hurt) that my children would dare to meet without me, they needed that and I had to allow for them to do it without disputes. I had to be quiet and let them say what they needed to; because I didn't do the matriarch thing and speak in a booming voice that I can, they could listen to each other and at the given time to me. It was humbling for me to see and still taught how not to be.
The bible teaches us this very lesson to be quiet and listen to what others are trying to convey. You would be more readily to hear their hurt, their anger, and their hidden tendencies to do something criminal. It takes Wisdom not to blurt everything out without thinking. It takes Wisdom not to complain and be critical of every teenie tiny nit picky thing along the way. It takes Wisdom to pick up the socks without being told. It takes Wisdom just to shut up and listen. So change already; enough with the stupid things you think are so profound in.
(James 1:19 KJV)
People will use verses and events in the bible to stand on their platform of hate but if they took the time to actually read it they would find that the wars that are written in those verses show the hate of others and to what extent they took it. Other wars are for the purpose to stop the evil plan and in order for that man who started to choose to wipe that colony completely out. The documenting of those things are to teach us what to do and what not to repeat.
Instead we justify the reason to argue, blame others for your own mistakes, be selfish, and stay that way just so you can have your own way? Relationships whether business or personal are destroyed because of these platitudes. Why must your point be made rather then staying silent? Why should you be the one to make the speech instead of someone else? Why should the spotlight be on you? Why is it necessary for you to have the last word?
This past weekend (originally written in September), my children got together, bought groceries, and made dinner at my home so they could have a family meeting with me. I have had meetings before with them when they were much younger and to my surprise, they got together at times and met without me. But this Sunday, they came for the purpose of staying close and to keep abreast of what everyone else was doing. They knew that their experience to handle some of their issues is limited so they decided to be quiet and allowed me to speak. I was pleased to see how they have matured and placed those adolescent ways behind them. The compassion and sensitivity that I knew they had couldn't be used when the how-would-that-be-good-for-me thought processes were trying to spill out of their mouths. They were quiet and they listened.
You don't have the ability to force others to change. All you can do is change you. As surprised as I was (more like hurt) that my children would dare to meet without me, they needed that and I had to allow for them to do it without disputes. I had to be quiet and let them say what they needed to; because I didn't do the matriarch thing and speak in a booming voice that I can, they could listen to each other and at the given time to me. It was humbling for me to see and still taught how not to be.
The bible teaches us this very lesson to be quiet and listen to what others are trying to convey. You would be more readily to hear their hurt, their anger, and their hidden tendencies to do something criminal. It takes Wisdom not to blurt everything out without thinking. It takes Wisdom not to complain and be critical of every teenie tiny nit picky thing along the way. It takes Wisdom to pick up the socks without being told. It takes Wisdom just to shut up and listen. So change already; enough with the stupid things you think are so profound in.
(James 1:19 KJV)
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