Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Who Are We Supposed To Trust?

I have pondered the trust question for sometime. Allbeit, this was well after my twenties, because at that stage in life if someone said they are going to do something, you expected them to do it. Granted, people gave up those ideals while some others become jaded due to circumstances or just listening to the news.

We know that it is the norm for politicians to make promises they cannot keep. Their purpose to be elected. Where did they learn that from? Their parents? Maybe not. I remember in the micro-cosim -  high school, I ran for student government. I tried not to make a bunch of promises that I couldn't keep but it just seemed that the people were needing to hear those things. Was it suppose to make them feel better that those running for student government aren't perfect or was it a temptation for the candidates that just couldn't be fought? I won my election in that tiny micro-cosim based on lots of prayer and stating, "do you want the best? I know you do!" I didn't have anything to feel guilty about. What says the politician? What says to those who elected them?

Delving into the government further because they think they have the pulse of the food industry, who said it was alright to spray and add stuff to my food to increase the shelf life? I bought an apple. It was red, full, and I expected it to be as juicy and sweet as it looked. I bit into the equivalence of a sponge. Upon a closer look, there were small black pin dots on the skin. If one doesn't look one would have never known that those small dots are indicative of the fruit being rotten. It just looks good in hopes that the consumer will buy it, take it home, find the problem and not bring it back. That's .70 cents that doesn't have to be returned. The dollar is made at the expense of the consumer. Hm, and the econmy is down because of what?

We have watched certain television personalities and grown to trust their credibility in delivering to us information we would have not received otherwise. There was a local anchorman that the city's residents enjoyed on a daily basis. Not only could he deliver the news with such fortitude, he also had his own commentary. His opinions became well known. He could have directed the people to vote, purchase, rally, picket, or protest in any venue he chose. This was the power he had. Then he was found in a compromising position. Not once but a few times to the point of him losing his job. The station lost their ratings and the management had to get busy in developing someone else to take their star newscaster's place. This would take years and they knew it. In the mean time the city searched for another hero.

I suppose I contemplated this subject because I can recall Orson Welles playing a joke on the American people. Not that I was there, I was entirely too young. It was through others and reading it for myself. He had a well known radio broadcast by which he interrupted to tell the listeners that the world was being invaded by aliens. It sounded like a breaking newstory. It was the radio. There was nothing the people could see for themselves so they had faith in what they heard. I suppose it wasn't that long before the radio and Orson Welles told the people it was a joke, but what does one call not long when you are in a state of panic? Who died of a heart attack, committed suicide  or lost their mental abilites just because of a joke and the trust that was put into a man? Those things weren't doumented or if they were, the numbers weren't made public.

Times are changing. People don't rally against wrong as much as they use to. Car insurance in some states is a joke. How can you be sued for an accident you didn't cause or wasn't even in either car when the accident occured? Yet in some states there are laws governing just that. What is the health insurance policy going to look like? Who will get medicaid. Why won't there be enough social security for the next generation when that generation paid their taxes too? Who would have ever thought that you would be paying for water (bottled), air (car tires), and television (cable)? Who has the answers? Who is going to tell the truth? Who should we trust? Should we rely on what the dollar can do or what is written on it?
(Isaiah 26:3 KJV)

Monday, November 30, 2009


It is the title to the only song Michael Jackson sung that made me cry. In the lyrics he sung, "there's no message that can ever be more clearer..." And he is right. It is the same message that the bible is based on -love.

People will use verses and events in the bible to stand on their platform of hate but if they took the time to actually read it they would find that the wars that are written in those verses show the hate of others and to what extent they took it. Other wars are for the purpose to stop the evil plan and in order for that man who started to choose to wipe that colony completely out. The documenting of those things are to teach us what to do and what not to repeat.

Instead we justify the reason to argue, blame others for your own mistakes, be selfish, and stay that way just so you can have your own way? Relationships whether business or personal are destroyed because of these platitudes. Why must your point be made  rather then staying silent? Why should you be the one to make the speech instead of someone else? Why should the spotlight be on you? Why is it necessary for you to have the last word?

This past weekend (originally written in September), my children got together, bought groceries, and made dinner at my home so they could have a family meeting with me. I have had meetings before with them when they were much younger and to my surprise, they got together at times and met without me. But this Sunday, they came for the purpose of staying close and to keep abreast of what everyone else was doing. They knew that their experience to handle some of their issues is limited so they decided to be quiet and allowed me to speak. I was pleased to see how they have matured and placed those adolescent ways behind them. The compassion and sensitivity that I knew they had couldn't be used when the how-would-that-be-good-for-me thought processes were trying to spill out of their mouths. They were quiet and they listened.

You don't have the ability to force others to change. All you can do is change you. As surprised as I was (more like hurt) that my children would dare to meet without me, they needed that and I had to allow for them to do it without disputes. I had to be quiet and let them say what they needed to; because I didn't do the matriarch thing and speak in a booming voice that I can, they could listen to each other and at the given time to me. It was humbling for me to see and still taught how not to be.

The bible teaches us this very lesson to be quiet and listen to what others are trying to convey. You would be more readily to hear their hurt, their anger, and their hidden tendencies to do something criminal. It takes Wisdom not to blurt everything out without thinking. It takes Wisdom not to complain and be critical of every teenie tiny nit picky thing along the way. It takes Wisdom to pick up the socks without being told. It takes Wisdom just to shut up and listen. So change already; enough with the stupid things you think are so profound in.
(James 1:19 KJV)

Friday, October 30, 2009

Out of Bounds

I wrote in another blog about boundaries and to some degree this is about setting boundaries as well but for different reasons.

Over the weekend I had a conversation with an elderly woman. She usually gives me her overflow of groceries that were given to her but because of her health, she cannot consume certain foods. So I receive it and am grateful for it only this last time she kept telling me what she was giving and also added a package of kosher hotdogs where she had opened and used one for her dog. Her dog didn't like it and she couldn't use it because of the salt. For the first 3 times that she said this through out the week, I didn't say anything. I am consciously aware of offending people and I wasn't ungrateful so what harm would it do if I just stayed quiet and throw away the unused dog food?

While some may think, why sweat it just be happy that you get anything at all and for many (with other matter similar) years I did just that. However, what does that say about how much I respect myself and how this woman will respect me in the future? Let me paint a more clear picture.

I work in a Jewish community and have been noticing such differences with the Orthodox Jews as opposed to those who don't share the same views but of the same ethnicity. One particular woman asked for a dessert in the dining hall and once she unwrapped the cellophane off of it, she decided it wasn't what she thought it was. She heard someone else ask for the same dessert so she offered hers. The other Jewish women around her became so perturbed with her they voiced how she shouldn't do that. She was embarrassed and instead of apologizing or telling the women off, she came to me. I suppose she believed that I knew nothing about the culture as she went on and on about how her friends treated her. I allowed her to go on for so long until I asked, "would you have taken the dessert from someone else?" She answered, "but I didn't even touch it!" She knew that it wasn't the point. She is Orthodox. They all are; and they were all insulted by her actions  which anyone else would have thought to be an act of generosity.

It was the very incident I brought up with the elderly woman who gave me the opened package of kosher hotdogs. Before I could finish reminding her of the incident that she recalls because she was there, she apologized for even putting the hotdogs in with the rest of the gorceries. Because she was quick to apologize without me finishing what I was saying, it let me know that she knew she wouldn't have done this to anyone else. Now I had to make the special effort not to be insulted.

I am an African American woman. Though I am not elderly, I am not pre-pubescent having no knowledge of social class and what people really think of each other whether overt orcovert. I am also a counselor/social worker which I enjoy immensely. Because of my childhood and the many places I have traveled, it is rare that I play the race card with others though I do laugh and joke about my own race in comparison with those that are close to me. In this case, it was evident that the race card was played even without me knowing.

In my years as a social worker I have been made privy as tot he overall understanding of how African Americans are viewed in a non-white society. I was told with one culture that Blacks are viewed one way and Christians are viewed lower than that. If a Black man was also a Christian, I would rather not imagine how he would be thought of. Here in America, upon my return so many years ago from Europe, I was hoping - infact believing that predjudice was a faint memory leaving a bad taste in our mouths; however, not forgetting those cruel years so the next generation doesn't make the same mistakes should be or only reason for bringing the subject up. Healing has begun and making a new wound is pointless. Well, that's what I was believing; and then my youngest son came to live with me while he attended college. He brought with him his young views about not caring what others think and just be himself. Where did he get that crap from?

For the first few weeks I watched what he wore and how he carried himself and I really was going to let it go but then I recalled how hard I had to work to get the respect of these Jewish people. They had preconceived notions that Blacks are lazy, welfare recipients, baby makers, don't and won't get a job, uneducated, and we just love fried chicken. One woman asked how many children do I have and when I told, her response was, "you really like sex!" Who says that? Then I found she has one child less than I yet she lied to me saying she had only one daughter. Another man being computer illiterate asked for help. Afterwards, when completing his internet tasks was amazed that I knew as much as I did and asked, "where did you learn all of that?" It was extremely hard not to be sarcastic using a voice as if I had just jumped off of the turnip truck with Jethro and Billy Bob. Another time someone saw me drawing a Christmas motif of 2 turtle doves and asked,"what did the picture look like before you did all of that to it?" I turned the page to a blank sheet of paper. I looked at her while her jaw dropped looking as blank as the paper.

Incident after incident I had to react in a manner contrary to my emotions and what these people believed. The information about me spread like wildfire in the community and after more than a year, I got the respect that others receive with little to no effort. My son staying with me and his young adult views took all of my hard work back to where it began and it frustrated me that he couldn't see what took me many years to see myself. I explained how astonished they were to find that I have a degree. How a man thought he could amaze me by asking in Italian if I could speak the language. Having understood him, I answered no in English but asked, "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" His response was, "Oooh-oh." I mimicked him and then asked, "parlez vous Francais?" To wit he answered, "uh-oh!" I was exonerated from being uneducated, though he didn't know the real struggle would have begun with me trying to recall High School French.

It took some time, but my son finally gets that being himself also includes not allowing for people to believe whatever they will about you. We set boundaries by respecting ourselves first. We don't dress any kind of way before coming out of the house and our language should be conducive of not being raise in a cave. People actually do change for the better but it happens when we as individuals make the changes within. Stop being so emotional and acting on offenses. Instead, get an education and react to things you can change. Detroit's Public School System has shut down over 40 schools and have bordered up a number of libraries. Now there's something to react to!
(Hosea 4:6 KJV)

Monday, September 21, 2009

A Hopin' and a Prayin'

In these times where the economy seems to have a life of its own, we tend to speak things that we would rather not do. For instance, an old saying that I haven't heard in awhile is "desperate times calls for desperate measures." This is like a warning to all that hears that something not so profitable for someone else is about to happen or it is a justification for doing something one knows is wrong. If weighing matters to the point of contemplating thievery, I would say go seek counsel. Actually for any matter where you think it would be best to do something insane, no matter if the economy improves or not - go seek counseling.

Counseling, in its own vein can be an outstanding resource if the homework of research is done before hand. Counselors have to get paid too so those desperate times thing can be still in the corners of their minds as well. If an employer does what he does to ge the best employee he can  by way of reviewing an application, calling references, administering a drug test, and these days even using the resources of obtaining a criminal background check, how much more so are we to go and do our research to employ a person who will receive the personal information we wouldn't tell our own parents?

People, as my son has told me numerous times, are people. The very same ones that we avoid because of their distasteful personality traits are the same we pass by, are our coworkers, supervisors, neighbors, brothers, and parents. We have no choice but to deal with what is set before us; however, with whom we choose to be our clergy, doctor, lawyer, dentist, counselor, various agents, and friends is completely our own doing. When that bad advice comes our way and we have nothing else to go on, whatever the outcome is our fault. We have no one else to blame but ourselves.

In this day and age we have so many resources available to check anything out that has been told to us. We have libraries, bookstores, the internet, the bible, and other professionals with the same degree. Why get one opinion and bank what we have on that. How can we listen to one diagnosis  that will change the course of our life and believe it is the right thing to do? I wonder of these celebrities that are no longer with us and they thought they were getting the best treatment that money can buy, yet they were not saved by what they received. If something isn't working why still use it?

The saying that my son uses people will be people comes from him understanding that we all have lives to live. We all have obstacles to face. What makes us think that just because we hire professional people that they are actually going to be professional? They have their own issues too. What if a well known medical surgeon was just about to perform some radical emergency procedure and just when he was about to leave for work he had an argument with his wife to the point of her saying that she would like a divorce. How professional will he be in the operating room? Will he need to reschedule? How would you know that he is having issues and is too prideful to say so? How do you know right at the time he is near a major artery did he not go over the  intense verbal battle he had moments before he came to work. There he is with the scaple and gritting his teeth at what was spewed to him from his wife. Would he cut too deep or at the wrong place? Has it happened before? How would you know?

What about receiving wise counsel from someone who doesn't like men and the counseling is for the purpose of marriage? Would the counselor be objective? How would you know? Would you take the advice for what it is or for the gold the counselor believes it is?

I questioned a surgeon once and he became indignant stating that I need to find myself another doctor. I couldn't have agreed with him more. If you can't answer my questions, you have no business being a medical professional.

Is this a post on how we should believe in a higher power that watches and sees all so we should pray to Him. No, for me, that is a given. This is a post to solidify even after prayer you still have work to do in order to be assured that who you have working for you is there to do the best job your money can buy. First you pray then do the research. Whether you believe it or not I just proved to you a scripture in the bible which states: faith without works is dead (James 2:26 KJV).

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


The purpose of a euphemism is not to be blunt as to speak the actual word intended. Some may have delicate ears and to sugar coat the word has the meaning without the harsh intent. The trouble with that is your point doesn't drive the listener home to do anything different  than what he or she has been doing. The euphemism causes the behavior to be shrugged off or a cute cliche is used to minimize change. One I recall often used is "boys will be boys." I wholly detest that phrase.

For this subject matter the title is a euphemism for wild. The term wilding was used in the 80's  for the behavior of teens in Central Park (located in New York) terrorizing pedestrians for no other reason than being bored. Take one of those teens and place that one teen in a tiny position of authority; like behind the register of a fast food joint, the dispatcher to get your cab, the teller at a bank, the customer service rep to get your utilities turned on, (to name a few) and what kind of conversation would you have in order to get from point A to point B? I had such the conversation.

It was such a simple request. A request that many have had and created a position for because of the high demand. What was that hiring process like? Was the employer manipulated with sob stories about feeding hungry children or a parent needing a kidney? Or was he just on drugs? What would possess a relatively intelligent HR official to actually use the phrase, "you are hired" to an individual I had the displeasure of speaking to? All she had to do was schedule me a shuttle from one very popular place and back to my original destination. She had all of my personal information and then asked me for a numbered address. It is a very large and well known place that takes up most of the city's block, on a corner, of two well known streets in our area where many shuttles have been over and over. She persisted with getting from me a numbered address. All I could picture was a list of addresses that the shuttles frequent within arm's reach and she refused to say that she knew what and where I was speaking of. She maintained that without the address I could not get a shuttle and if there was anything else she could help me with. "Yeah, pull up mapquest (c) on the computer you clicked all of my information on and add in the address you....you..." No, I didn't say that though I was frustrated enough to use a few choice words. She had what she needed from me and refused to do as I requested. No matter what I said, I could hear the attitude rise in her voice, the sheer pleasure she got to hang up the phone satisfied with the last word being, no. I called back hoping to speak to a completely different person. The attitude was such a marked improvement and if I didn't have the address, she would have looked it up.

But this behavior is also noted when on the inside with the coworker. I have a tendency to focus on the job at hand. If there is a long line, I have been trained to do whatever it takes to get the customers what it is needed so they don't have to wait. I put myself in their shoes knowing that I would  be annoyed, standing for a long period of time to spend my money for an establishment to continue to give me poor service? That makes no sense. So there I am working like a banshee (that means really hard) and my coworker stops me to have some really and truely asinine conversation. She is off duty but has the attitude seeing that we are coworkers, I should stop doing what I am hired to do and talk. When I didn't, she paused like I am the crazy one!!!

What is going on? If I complain about poor serivce - the service gets worse or I don't get service at all. If I don't wish to eat raw chicken, burnt toast, or eggs that are too runny I risk getting a plate of disguised spit. If I honk at someone about to side swipe me, the probability of that person having road rage has gone from socially unacceptable to "why did you have to honk at him"? Yes, that would mean I am to blame for side swiping myself.

Those teens from the 80's have grown with children of their own. What wasn't learned is instilled in the fruit of their loins. Will they out number decency, morality, values, and ethics, or will anarchy be the norm?

A doctor told me he deliberately caught a disease just to see what it felt like. An elderly African American woman asked me in tears how would you answer the question, why are blacks dysfunctional, stagnate, and lack direction because it was asked of her. An elderly Caucasion man, after receiving help from me to work a computer, asked me where I learned all of that from? Oh, did I mention, I am African American. A Jewish woman having 4 children of her own, unbenounced to me, learned that I have 5 children. She stated, "you must really like sex!" She told me that she has only one daughter. When I learned otherwise I confronted her. She denied what she said and sheepishly grinned.

Busted? Yeah, we all have our schisms and issues (some call them demons) that we have to contend with - so contend, don't just step into the ring and lie down on the canvas. Punch back! Use an upper cut - something! Is it me or does one say, that's life and it is what makes the world interesting? Those people raised others to be just like them!

I remember when my mother would come home from work she would take off her shoes at the door which also happened to be the entrance to the living room. At the end of the week, having not worn the same shoes everyday, there were a collection of shoes that had to be removed every Saturday when we did major house cleaning. It was frustrating for the sibling, having been assigned the task to clean the living room, to remove the shoes every week. But it was done without an audible word - it is Mom's house. Because of Mom's habit, I had to make a conscious effort not to take my shoes off at the door of my own home. I still catch myself from time to time but I made the decision not to do that just so the living area can stay tidy and easier to clean. A small example still a colossal analogy for each and everyone of us to make a decision and use some effort behind it.

It is the difference of speaking what you feel and thinking before you speak. It is the difference between impulse and a quality decisions. It is the difference between acting on emotion and stepping back to look at the big picture. What are we teaching our children? They will be the next generation running the country. Will they treat others the way they would like to be treated so we can look forward to the future?

(Luke 6:38 KJV)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

If Everyone Started Off as Equal

If anyone has ever struggled with purchasing school clothes for your children or remember the hassel in your own childhood to get the right look, hopefully you will be empathetic to what you are about to read.

I got this notice some years back that the elementary public school system was going to make it mandatory for all children to wear uniforms. My first reaction was that someone was reaching into my family and trying to control what I do with my children. My plan: I had to fight this. All of my reasoning seemed rational enough though I detested going through that mall maze with other parents trying to make the children happy with the latest fad. It would just be something different next season, costing more than you planned. Knowing some child wouldn't have it (more than likely mine) and compensating throughout the year was a guilt trip I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, no one should control what I do and don't with my children.

Given ample time, it came right to the last minute when my child was given notice to comply with the rules. Rules? A dress code has now become a rule for parents to abide by? I won't do it! I thought, looking at my child what I could afford and barely making ends meet, I knew financially and for peace of mind, it was the best thing for the children and to alleviate whatever administration was going through just to get the uniform rules passed.

All of my children have since graduated high school and have gone to college. My son recently mentioned what a good idea school uniforms were. He said the kids whose parents had more money couldn't lord their designer clothes over the poorer kids. I realized that it was a learning tool for the children to get to know each other looking beyond the outward appearance.

I thought about that for a moment and still dispelled with what might have been good intentions. Though the playing field might have been leveled for everyone to start out as equals, it is still the parents that caused the differences with the children. Those that wouldn't do for their children (clean, provide, find the right fit, laundry, etc.) didn't change their ways. Given a few semesters those same children who didn't have, due to neglect, had dingy shirts with missing buttons, the pants were too tight or too big and the hand-me-down shoes never did look well on anyone.

I might have struggled and fought the system for a moment or two, but when given an opportunity for my children not to be considered the lowest on the social curve, I met it and assisted with what I could do for them to desire to do more.

I have 5 children all of which are college bound. Degrees range from a family doctor to a culinary artist. I thank God that finally the government came up with a good idea where the only ones to blame for not catching the blessing is the parent.
(Proverbs 20:7 AMP)

Monday, August 31, 2009


Whether you have faith to believe this or not, just put it in perspective and use what you can get from these words.

Gone are the days where the woman believes she can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and will never let him forget he is a man. Gone are the days when the woman thinks she can do it all and have it all too. Gone are the days where the man continues to be a workaholic and have no time for anything else. Why are those days gone? Because we know better and that kind of thinking  can put us in an early grave.

God created the world and all that's in it in 6 days. On the 7th day, He rested. The bible says we (people) are made in His image. Why would we believe ourselves greater than the Creator? If He saw the need the to rest at, the end of 1 work week, why would we?

Not having that kind of belief? Alright, then let's go back to thse days previously ,mentioned that have long since gone. Women's Lib brought the idea that a woman can have a career, manage a home (with children), and keep her husband happy. Studies have shown the increase women were having with their health as well during that exact same era. The complaints came later with being exhausted and realizing the domestic engineer was a thankless job in of itself. The resolve to those complaints  were the increase of the divorce ratew. We can quibble witht he term irroncilible differences - but, com'mon it is just polite legalease  for "I need some help and you aren'[t willing to do that."

This would also answer to a woman doing it all and having it all - including children. This era was when a woman stated a ,an wasn't necessary for her to raise a family. We have since regained the perspective and see the need children have for a father. Along with craving discipline, it is well known that the patriarch factor in a child's life is paramount for emotional, mental, and an overall well being of health.

The workaholic man has become a thing of the past because he has seen how he loses more than he gains without time to eat properly his health deteriorates. A diet of black coffee and fast food increases all sorts of health factors that he did not always have. Spending no time with his spouse allows her to seek what she needs elsewhere and the father is more of a stranger to his children. Why work all of the hours to provide when all that he provides for is lost?

There are some stats of the well balanced and well rested human being of which I will provide in a later post. For the purpose of this post, however, you might not have the faith to believe what is written in the bible but you cannot continue to be ignorant of what man has observed with experience and discovered with experiments. Keeping balance in your life is a means of maintaining a long and healthy one.
(Genesis 2:2 KJV)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Raising Cain

No one expects to raise a child like Cain from the bible. You have your children and you are supposed to love them equally but there he is. Looking at his parent and you know what kind of child he is yet instead of many parents doing what they need to with that child, they leave the child for the grandparent, an Aunt, a compassionate neighbor, someone who said they like children, or the public school system; as if they are appropriate parents or have the same kind of love a parent should have for his child.

Children usually will tell you why they are the way they are. They just don't start off being brats. Its taught to them and its acceptable somewhere. So now the child finds where else that behavior is acceptable. And sooner than later he often does.

Maybe its that Cain was assigned the tiller of the soil and he would have much rather been keeping the sheep. No one asked. It was just done. Would that also be true for our children today? Some of us can look at them and just know what they would do well in and some of us have said too much it was wrong. How do we see or know what is the best path for our children? How do we raise responsible adults so they could be happy and we, as parents, can be pleased with the work they are doing?

I was nine years old when my sister was born. I remember babysitting her and teaching her things she had no idea existed. One of those things was being compassionate. She would get angry with me for taking her toy, bawl her little fist up, throw it behind her back for the most power she could muster to hit me for taking what belongs to her. It was hysterical, but I didn't laugh. Instead I let out a huge wail of a cry just to see what her reaction would be. She was surprised and stared for a moment. She put her little hands on her knees to bend down and study the expression on my face and then said quietly, "shh, shut up. Don't cry." Then I pretended to sniffle and look at her. She would pat my face and say again, "shut up." I would ask for a hug and she would ask me afterwards, "better?" I answered, "better," while nodding my head. She sighed in relief looking as if she never knew she could cause such damage. But it was a lesson learned that she maintained all while she was growing up being aware if she hurt anyone and what she could do to make it all better.

As I became an adult and learned about our social environment, I found that being cruel and selfish aren't taught. That seems to come naturally, but compassion is a decision to have and to be cultured for it to be intuitive. But this is one of the things that comes with discipline as one raises a decent human being.

Children don't have much to do. As they get older, a responsible parent gives his children chores while the child is still learning to habitually be hygenic. These chores, as much as they hem and haw in doing them, gives the child a sense of well being. The child is less likely to trash something that he has cleaned on a regular basis. When his friends come to visit, the child will make sure that the house (or his room) is kept in the manner that it was before his friends came in. This would not be true of a child who is allowed every benefit (car, ipod, own cell phone, own computer, and every new electronic device known to man). Why should he? He knows that in time he will get everything he asks for without any effort of his own doing.

My now ex-husband told me a childhood story that left me stunned at the prospects of what the parents of the house would do to their child. The child knew better not to have company over when his parents weren't home but did it anyway. My ex was one of those five boys that came over. When they were all relaxed laughing and joking amongst themselves, one of the boys fell into the diningroom wall and left an impression of his behind in it. He was surprised at first, but then busted into a raucous laughter as with the other boys. But the child who resided there wasn't laughing and started to end the gathering. But the boys were having too much fun and before he knew it, one of them had put his foot in another wall. They were all hysterical with laughter when they all decided to do the same thing. As my ex was telling me this, he could barely contain himself, still laughing at what he had done as a child. I asked, "what did the boy do when his parents got home?" The laugher in the voice of my ex became soured and he was a little annoyed that my question would ruin such a pleasant childhood memory for him, "I don't know," he said with no concern.

Sure that was then, but what I saw was that he was the same little boy who didn't think anything was wrong with it back then and would more than likely have the boys will be boys attitude now. What's happened with this generation? Haven't we learned what to say and not to do from our parents or are we going to disregard all of their experiences. Why do we have to be burned if our parent told us that the stove is hot? Do we really have to see for ourselves? Experience can be the best teacher but it can also get you killed.

So how would one raise Cain to be a responsible, successful adult? Dilligently, affectionately, prayerfully, and if you don't have the patience to do any of those things, professionally. In other words, take Cain to someone who is willing to do what you won't.
(Proverbs 22:6 KJV)

Ah Medicine!

The medical profession have done scores and scores of good works. Technological achievements have assisted medicine greatly in saving lives and giving people a better outlook on what could have been quite grim. Doctors, dentists, chiropractors, gynecologists, psychiatrists, podiatrists, endocrinologists and all of the others, I applaud them and all of their successes and hopefully have learned from their failures never to repeat them again. I am so thankful for the profession as a whole.

Nevertheless, as with many, there are those who just have to make it bad for the rest. The ones who didn't study as much and it is more important to look good in the white coat then it is for the test to come back with the right diagnosis. I have had some pretty horrific experiences with the ones that couldn't care less of the human condition but more for that paycheck and which is the next vacation spot he/she will be visiting in the next 10 days whether there are patients waiting or not.

I came to write this piece when a client told me of the issues she was having worrying about so many things in her family. Her own family doctor suggested she should see a specialist (implying a psychiatrist). She thought about it for a moment and said, "why would I do that? He doesn't know anything about me? All he will have me do is talk for an hour, charge me money I don't have, and then have me come back the next week to do it all over again. How will I get better and at the same time get poorer everytime I see him?" Her doctor paused for a moment and said, "you know, you are right." When she told this to me I thought I could console her and say well, some people need to talk more than once to get better. But then I thought, when does that happen? Would a psychiatrist have a better reputation and track record if he only saw patients on a need to basis? If all that was needed was a quick 15 minutes and the patient was grateful with word of mouth wouldn't his practice be even better? But who has that kind of integrity to take that chance?

When I was first married I was pregnant with twins. I did all that the doctor told me to do and I also listened to the questions that was asked of me. They needed to know my age, my weight, if I had ever been pregnant before, do I smoke, drink, what amount of education do I have, and what do I do for a living. The other questions were reasonable enough, but what was with those last two questions? So I watched all of the other patients and the treatment they received based on the answers given. If the patient didn't have much education or not a better job, they were treated with less respect and asked to do unnecessary things. For instance, with my second pregnancy I wasn't as forth coming. I wondered why the doctor needed to give me a pap smear STAT in my 8th month because of the possibility of a sickle cell trait. I knew there was no such thing in my family nor in the family of my husband but I had to get back to his office fast! This was for my first pregnancy because they believed I didn't know any better and any test was a test that had to be paid for. I was given many pelvic exams during this time where students could practice and get their grades. I felt more like chattle then a young mother with many questions.

The same also occurred with my childhood dentist. For as long as I could remember I have always had perfect teeth, meaning, cavity free. I was just going to go get a quick check up. It shouldn't take long. It never had before. When it was over the dentist looked over at my mother and began to tell her of a great product. It was a sealant that he wished they had when he was growing up. What it will do is create a protective coating around the enamel of my teeth and be less likely to get any cavities. I'm thinking what do I need that for? I have been doing great for 16 years! But much to my shagrin, Mom said yes. He gave me the instruction not to eat anything hot for 6 hours and to come back in 6 months for a check up. I did what I was told. How shocked was I to find in 6 months that I had 7 cavaties and one was a root canal! How could I have gone from 0 to all of that in 6 months?

When I got older I had a job working with teens who also needed for us to make sure they received the proper medical treatment. I told 5 girls I was responsible for that they would not get that so called miracle sealant. One of the girls had a twin in another facility. She told her sister of my experience but her sister didn't listen and got the sealant. When we returned in the 6 months that was told for us to do, my girls were cavity free. The twin in the other facility had 8 cavities. The miracle sealant wasn't made for the betterment of people but for the increase of patients for the dentists.

One time I wasn't feeling very well and noticed that I had boils that developed on the side of my rib cage. I went to the emergency room never having such a condition before and not knowing what else to do. I was seen soon enough and when the diagnosis was given, I actually felt better. But then the doctor asked so quickly if I would like to go back to work? What a strange question to ask. I wasn't feeling all that great to do the tasks I was hired to do, so sheepishly I answered, "no." He hurried off and a nurse returned with the medication the doctor perscribed. I was a huge horse pill but I needed it so the boils wouldn't return. Within a few minutes from taking the medication. The room began to spin and I felt so nauseated. I told the nurse and she said, "yeah, that's one of the side effects." She then gave me something to throw up in and walked off as if they go through this all of the time. People come in not so sick and leave with the medical emergency? Huh?

Later, I asked a coworker who happened to be a registered nurse. She immediately said, "oh no, you are allergic to that. Don't take it anymore." I was stunned. Shouldn't the doctor have known that? But wait, he might have when he asked if I would like to go back to work or not. Did he think he was doing me a favor by making me feel like I was sick?

Ah, the medical profession. To all of those who are on the up and up, thank you but I don't know if you are or aren't and if its all the same, I think I will be doing a lot more research having scores of questions before I go to any of you. I write this piece for all other laypersons who know nothing about medicine to do the same. Like your insurance, it will be to your benefit if you do.

( Isaiah 26:3 AMP)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Just Practical!

In watching T.V. I remember a time, that has apparently since passed, when I knew a particular program was a piece of crap and sooner than not the broadcasting company agreed and it was cancelled. I have enjoyed years of entertainment based on that collaboration of unspoken communication.

So what happened? Did the big wigs of television production sell the broadcasting company or don't they care about what they show on the screen anymore? Are the producers paying off advertisers to keep the absurd televised or are we showing other countries that we are in desperate need of their kind of help?

The latter must be the truth otherwise there wouldn't be so many different accents telling Americans how to dress (TLC's Peter Perfect and How Do I Look), how to raise our children (CBS's Nanny 911 and ABC's Super Nanny), how to sing (FOX's American Idol), or if we have talent at all ( NBC's America's Got Talent) I know I am not alone with these thoughts, only those that have asked such questions to the specific hosts looked as if they had a few screws loose and could be a little bitter recuperating from being told that they have brats for kids, sing like a skinned cat, or their particular talent looked as if it was a joke. In my case, I have not been berated. I have all of my faculties about me; therefore in all good consciousness I would like to know why would America continue to allow themselves to be judged by people who make  the majority of their money here and residents of their country come here to vacation? America is like paradise to many who don't reside here. Why would we desire foreigners to tell us what to do to change when they already enjoy what we have?

Gordon Ramsey of FOX's Hells Kitchen makes it a point to train the challenging chefs to put out the best product for the customers, yet on one show of season 4, he told a dissatisfied customer to piss off. That's acceptable?!! We have seen our youth devastated from the verbal beating of not being up to par after one audition from those previously named programs. Did we have to see that and continue to do so season after season? Are the ratings that high to view public humiliation over and over again? The host of TLC's Peter Perfect came on an episode dressed like a Leprechaun and told the shop owner that she had to change her image. She was the one that needed to change?

Don't get me wrong, I like reality T.V. and even some that are obviously scripted (which is far from reality), but when we allow those who are not use to the American culture to have a place of authority and influence the younger generation in ways that we did not teach - we can only blame ourselves for the finished product.
(Proverbs 22:6 KJV)