Monday, August 31, 2009


Whether you have faith to believe this or not, just put it in perspective and use what you can get from these words.

Gone are the days where the woman believes she can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and will never let him forget he is a man. Gone are the days when the woman thinks she can do it all and have it all too. Gone are the days where the man continues to be a workaholic and have no time for anything else. Why are those days gone? Because we know better and that kind of thinking  can put us in an early grave.

God created the world and all that's in it in 6 days. On the 7th day, He rested. The bible says we (people) are made in His image. Why would we believe ourselves greater than the Creator? If He saw the need the to rest at, the end of 1 work week, why would we?

Not having that kind of belief? Alright, then let's go back to thse days previously ,mentioned that have long since gone. Women's Lib brought the idea that a woman can have a career, manage a home (with children), and keep her husband happy. Studies have shown the increase women were having with their health as well during that exact same era. The complaints came later with being exhausted and realizing the domestic engineer was a thankless job in of itself. The resolve to those complaints  were the increase of the divorce ratew. We can quibble witht he term irroncilible differences - but, com'mon it is just polite legalease  for "I need some help and you aren'[t willing to do that."

This would also answer to a woman doing it all and having it all - including children. This era was when a woman stated a ,an wasn't necessary for her to raise a family. We have since regained the perspective and see the need children have for a father. Along with craving discipline, it is well known that the patriarch factor in a child's life is paramount for emotional, mental, and an overall well being of health.

The workaholic man has become a thing of the past because he has seen how he loses more than he gains without time to eat properly his health deteriorates. A diet of black coffee and fast food increases all sorts of health factors that he did not always have. Spending no time with his spouse allows her to seek what she needs elsewhere and the father is more of a stranger to his children. Why work all of the hours to provide when all that he provides for is lost?

There are some stats of the well balanced and well rested human being of which I will provide in a later post. For the purpose of this post, however, you might not have the faith to believe what is written in the bible but you cannot continue to be ignorant of what man has observed with experience and discovered with experiments. Keeping balance in your life is a means of maintaining a long and healthy one.
(Genesis 2:2 KJV)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Raising Cain

No one expects to raise a child like Cain from the bible. You have your children and you are supposed to love them equally but there he is. Looking at his parent and you know what kind of child he is yet instead of many parents doing what they need to with that child, they leave the child for the grandparent, an Aunt, a compassionate neighbor, someone who said they like children, or the public school system; as if they are appropriate parents or have the same kind of love a parent should have for his child.

Children usually will tell you why they are the way they are. They just don't start off being brats. Its taught to them and its acceptable somewhere. So now the child finds where else that behavior is acceptable. And sooner than later he often does.

Maybe its that Cain was assigned the tiller of the soil and he would have much rather been keeping the sheep. No one asked. It was just done. Would that also be true for our children today? Some of us can look at them and just know what they would do well in and some of us have said too much it was wrong. How do we see or know what is the best path for our children? How do we raise responsible adults so they could be happy and we, as parents, can be pleased with the work they are doing?

I was nine years old when my sister was born. I remember babysitting her and teaching her things she had no idea existed. One of those things was being compassionate. She would get angry with me for taking her toy, bawl her little fist up, throw it behind her back for the most power she could muster to hit me for taking what belongs to her. It was hysterical, but I didn't laugh. Instead I let out a huge wail of a cry just to see what her reaction would be. She was surprised and stared for a moment. She put her little hands on her knees to bend down and study the expression on my face and then said quietly, "shh, shut up. Don't cry." Then I pretended to sniffle and look at her. She would pat my face and say again, "shut up." I would ask for a hug and she would ask me afterwards, "better?" I answered, "better," while nodding my head. She sighed in relief looking as if she never knew she could cause such damage. But it was a lesson learned that she maintained all while she was growing up being aware if she hurt anyone and what she could do to make it all better.

As I became an adult and learned about our social environment, I found that being cruel and selfish aren't taught. That seems to come naturally, but compassion is a decision to have and to be cultured for it to be intuitive. But this is one of the things that comes with discipline as one raises a decent human being.

Children don't have much to do. As they get older, a responsible parent gives his children chores while the child is still learning to habitually be hygenic. These chores, as much as they hem and haw in doing them, gives the child a sense of well being. The child is less likely to trash something that he has cleaned on a regular basis. When his friends come to visit, the child will make sure that the house (or his room) is kept in the manner that it was before his friends came in. This would not be true of a child who is allowed every benefit (car, ipod, own cell phone, own computer, and every new electronic device known to man). Why should he? He knows that in time he will get everything he asks for without any effort of his own doing.

My now ex-husband told me a childhood story that left me stunned at the prospects of what the parents of the house would do to their child. The child knew better not to have company over when his parents weren't home but did it anyway. My ex was one of those five boys that came over. When they were all relaxed laughing and joking amongst themselves, one of the boys fell into the diningroom wall and left an impression of his behind in it. He was surprised at first, but then busted into a raucous laughter as with the other boys. But the child who resided there wasn't laughing and started to end the gathering. But the boys were having too much fun and before he knew it, one of them had put his foot in another wall. They were all hysterical with laughter when they all decided to do the same thing. As my ex was telling me this, he could barely contain himself, still laughing at what he had done as a child. I asked, "what did the boy do when his parents got home?" The laugher in the voice of my ex became soured and he was a little annoyed that my question would ruin such a pleasant childhood memory for him, "I don't know," he said with no concern.

Sure that was then, but what I saw was that he was the same little boy who didn't think anything was wrong with it back then and would more than likely have the boys will be boys attitude now. What's happened with this generation? Haven't we learned what to say and not to do from our parents or are we going to disregard all of their experiences. Why do we have to be burned if our parent told us that the stove is hot? Do we really have to see for ourselves? Experience can be the best teacher but it can also get you killed.

So how would one raise Cain to be a responsible, successful adult? Dilligently, affectionately, prayerfully, and if you don't have the patience to do any of those things, professionally. In other words, take Cain to someone who is willing to do what you won't.
(Proverbs 22:6 KJV)

Ah Medicine!

The medical profession have done scores and scores of good works. Technological achievements have assisted medicine greatly in saving lives and giving people a better outlook on what could have been quite grim. Doctors, dentists, chiropractors, gynecologists, psychiatrists, podiatrists, endocrinologists and all of the others, I applaud them and all of their successes and hopefully have learned from their failures never to repeat them again. I am so thankful for the profession as a whole.

Nevertheless, as with many, there are those who just have to make it bad for the rest. The ones who didn't study as much and it is more important to look good in the white coat then it is for the test to come back with the right diagnosis. I have had some pretty horrific experiences with the ones that couldn't care less of the human condition but more for that paycheck and which is the next vacation spot he/she will be visiting in the next 10 days whether there are patients waiting or not.

I came to write this piece when a client told me of the issues she was having worrying about so many things in her family. Her own family doctor suggested she should see a specialist (implying a psychiatrist). She thought about it for a moment and said, "why would I do that? He doesn't know anything about me? All he will have me do is talk for an hour, charge me money I don't have, and then have me come back the next week to do it all over again. How will I get better and at the same time get poorer everytime I see him?" Her doctor paused for a moment and said, "you know, you are right." When she told this to me I thought I could console her and say well, some people need to talk more than once to get better. But then I thought, when does that happen? Would a psychiatrist have a better reputation and track record if he only saw patients on a need to basis? If all that was needed was a quick 15 minutes and the patient was grateful with word of mouth wouldn't his practice be even better? But who has that kind of integrity to take that chance?

When I was first married I was pregnant with twins. I did all that the doctor told me to do and I also listened to the questions that was asked of me. They needed to know my age, my weight, if I had ever been pregnant before, do I smoke, drink, what amount of education do I have, and what do I do for a living. The other questions were reasonable enough, but what was with those last two questions? So I watched all of the other patients and the treatment they received based on the answers given. If the patient didn't have much education or not a better job, they were treated with less respect and asked to do unnecessary things. For instance, with my second pregnancy I wasn't as forth coming. I wondered why the doctor needed to give me a pap smear STAT in my 8th month because of the possibility of a sickle cell trait. I knew there was no such thing in my family nor in the family of my husband but I had to get back to his office fast! This was for my first pregnancy because they believed I didn't know any better and any test was a test that had to be paid for. I was given many pelvic exams during this time where students could practice and get their grades. I felt more like chattle then a young mother with many questions.

The same also occurred with my childhood dentist. For as long as I could remember I have always had perfect teeth, meaning, cavity free. I was just going to go get a quick check up. It shouldn't take long. It never had before. When it was over the dentist looked over at my mother and began to tell her of a great product. It was a sealant that he wished they had when he was growing up. What it will do is create a protective coating around the enamel of my teeth and be less likely to get any cavities. I'm thinking what do I need that for? I have been doing great for 16 years! But much to my shagrin, Mom said yes. He gave me the instruction not to eat anything hot for 6 hours and to come back in 6 months for a check up. I did what I was told. How shocked was I to find in 6 months that I had 7 cavaties and one was a root canal! How could I have gone from 0 to all of that in 6 months?

When I got older I had a job working with teens who also needed for us to make sure they received the proper medical treatment. I told 5 girls I was responsible for that they would not get that so called miracle sealant. One of the girls had a twin in another facility. She told her sister of my experience but her sister didn't listen and got the sealant. When we returned in the 6 months that was told for us to do, my girls were cavity free. The twin in the other facility had 8 cavities. The miracle sealant wasn't made for the betterment of people but for the increase of patients for the dentists.

One time I wasn't feeling very well and noticed that I had boils that developed on the side of my rib cage. I went to the emergency room never having such a condition before and not knowing what else to do. I was seen soon enough and when the diagnosis was given, I actually felt better. But then the doctor asked so quickly if I would like to go back to work? What a strange question to ask. I wasn't feeling all that great to do the tasks I was hired to do, so sheepishly I answered, "no." He hurried off and a nurse returned with the medication the doctor perscribed. I was a huge horse pill but I needed it so the boils wouldn't return. Within a few minutes from taking the medication. The room began to spin and I felt so nauseated. I told the nurse and she said, "yeah, that's one of the side effects." She then gave me something to throw up in and walked off as if they go through this all of the time. People come in not so sick and leave with the medical emergency? Huh?

Later, I asked a coworker who happened to be a registered nurse. She immediately said, "oh no, you are allergic to that. Don't take it anymore." I was stunned. Shouldn't the doctor have known that? But wait, he might have when he asked if I would like to go back to work or not. Did he think he was doing me a favor by making me feel like I was sick?

Ah, the medical profession. To all of those who are on the up and up, thank you but I don't know if you are or aren't and if its all the same, I think I will be doing a lot more research having scores of questions before I go to any of you. I write this piece for all other laypersons who know nothing about medicine to do the same. Like your insurance, it will be to your benefit if you do.

( Isaiah 26:3 AMP)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Just Practical!

In watching T.V. I remember a time, that has apparently since passed, when I knew a particular program was a piece of crap and sooner than not the broadcasting company agreed and it was cancelled. I have enjoyed years of entertainment based on that collaboration of unspoken communication.

So what happened? Did the big wigs of television production sell the broadcasting company or don't they care about what they show on the screen anymore? Are the producers paying off advertisers to keep the absurd televised or are we showing other countries that we are in desperate need of their kind of help?

The latter must be the truth otherwise there wouldn't be so many different accents telling Americans how to dress (TLC's Peter Perfect and How Do I Look), how to raise our children (CBS's Nanny 911 and ABC's Super Nanny), how to sing (FOX's American Idol), or if we have talent at all ( NBC's America's Got Talent) I know I am not alone with these thoughts, only those that have asked such questions to the specific hosts looked as if they had a few screws loose and could be a little bitter recuperating from being told that they have brats for kids, sing like a skinned cat, or their particular talent looked as if it was a joke. In my case, I have not been berated. I have all of my faculties about me; therefore in all good consciousness I would like to know why would America continue to allow themselves to be judged by people who make  the majority of their money here and residents of their country come here to vacation? America is like paradise to many who don't reside here. Why would we desire foreigners to tell us what to do to change when they already enjoy what we have?

Gordon Ramsey of FOX's Hells Kitchen makes it a point to train the challenging chefs to put out the best product for the customers, yet on one show of season 4, he told a dissatisfied customer to piss off. That's acceptable?!! We have seen our youth devastated from the verbal beating of not being up to par after one audition from those previously named programs. Did we have to see that and continue to do so season after season? Are the ratings that high to view public humiliation over and over again? The host of TLC's Peter Perfect came on an episode dressed like a Leprechaun and told the shop owner that she had to change her image. She was the one that needed to change?

Don't get me wrong, I like reality T.V. and even some that are obviously scripted (which is far from reality), but when we allow those who are not use to the American culture to have a place of authority and influence the younger generation in ways that we did not teach - we can only blame ourselves for the finished product.
(Proverbs 22:6 KJV)